The Elephant In The Room

Well both elephants I guess I should say.

So we have decided to do elephants in baby number 2's room. If it is a girl they will be pink, if it is a boy they will be blue. Wow - I am creative - Pink for a girl and blue for boy. Who would have thought? Haha! In any case, we just like the reference to Africa and my mom found the pattern for a quilt wall hanging that I absolutely LOVE that we are going to alter a bit to have Elephants rather than the bunnies they show it with in the pattern. I am not big on the whole "theme room" thing but at least this gives me something to start thinking about/planning for.

The other Elephant.

I would like to say that people are probably wondering why we are adopting since we already have a beautiful, smart, healthy birth daughter. That is always one of the first questions or "elephants" on everyone's mind when someone says they are adopting. But in our case, I have a feeling most people think they already know why we are adopting our second child. And so, I would like to formally dispel all rumors and/or address the elephant in the room.

Long before Tessa was even an twinkle in either of our eyes, Jeff and I had talked about adoption. I always knew that if for some reason I was unable to have birth children (either because we waited to long to have kids or for other issues) that I didn't want to go through fertility treatments, or even the whole emotional roller coaster of wondering if we would ever be able to have kids. I just didn't feel like it was necessary. I still don't. Adoption has always been something I have been okay with and talking about it with Jeff...we agreed that it would be a possibility for us in the future.

And then I got pregnant with Tessa. And got really sick and almost died. Like 3 times. In the middle of it all, I kept saying how there was never going to be another baby coming out of my body again if could help it. A number of people brushed it off and said "Oh everyone says that right after they give birth. Just give it time, you will forget and want more." I hate to say it, but it pissed me off at the time. I felt like it made light of the fact that I almost died (did I mention 3 times????) and had the nerve to assume that what I went through was like "everyone" else. So when we told people we had decided to adopt...this is the reason, I assume, many thought that we were adopting. Because of what happened to me medically and my response to it.

Really though, the reason is that we WANT to adopt. And now, its that we want to adopt a child from Ethiopia.

There is truth in what I said about not wanting to have another birth child again. But I will also finally admit that there is also a little truth to what some people said about doing it again (that originally pissed me off). It wasn't that I forgot, or that my love for Tessa made me okay with doing it again...it was more that there were things and experiences that I did and did not get to have that I wanted to have again or to have at all. I had a normal pregnancy...but I wanted the excitement of trying to get pregnant (we didn't quite have that with Tessa to say the least) and I wanted a normal delivery. To go into labor. To enjoy the moment when she was born and the first weeks and months after. Most importantly probably, to breastfeed another child (I think it goes without saying how attached I feel to this amazing opportunity to have between a mother and a child).

For everyone who thought they already knew the reason we were adopting, the reality of the situation is this: I can do all of these things, have all of these experiences. We have met with the doctors, the high risk specialists and they all told me I can have another child again if I want to. I would be high risk, higher risk than even the first time...but it is all manageable, made more so by the fact that they have a heads up and can be on the lookout. I think the problem now is...I just don't want to. We decided to adopt long before I ever thought about HELLP, and Maternal Fetal Medicine, and Mag Sulfate, and nursing pads. Maybe these things were just God's way of reminding us of this decision.

So I guess I can't totally say "you are wrong if you think we are adopting because of what happend with my delivery and after." It did play a part in our adoption. It may very well have been the thing that kicked us in gear and been the reminder that we needed. It just isn't the reason. The reason is that we WANT to adopt. And now, its that we want to adopt a child from Ethiopia.

I get that adoption is not for everyone. And it shouldn't be. But it is for us.