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Well, I knew this would be the hardest time. And it is.
The wait after seeing my little boy's face is excruciating. You cannot imagine unless you have lived through it. The only other thing that has come close was wondering if he was my son for 2 weeks.
I think about him constantly. Whether it is his name, what he is doing, what time of day it is for him (i.e. is he having his dinner bottle or is someone kissing him goodnight?), what shade of blue to paint his nursery, will he be home in time for the holidays, what will Tessa think of him, how will she handle being a big sister (and losing 100% of the attention all the time), will the pained expression on his face in his referral photo be gone the next time I see him, am I the only one who thinks his face looks distressed in the photo, what size clothes will I need to bring when we go get him, will he have gained enough weight to be in the size appropriate for his age by US standards by his first birthday, does he know that there is a family out there who loves him as he sleeps alone or with a crib full of other babies on the other side of the Earth, did I make the right choice buying the infant car seat or will he be too big for it by the time we go get him, is there any chance we will make it through court closing, is this wait going to get that much harder when court closes and we have not gotten a date, how many nipples should I bring with Avent bottles with disposable liners I have decided to bring, will he nurse, will I be able to produce milk again, will the supplementer work, will we have to miss a wedding to go get him, what does his giggle sound like, what will my boss say about maternity leave, when will he get to meet his cousins, does anyone else have any idea how it is possible to fall totally and completely in love with someone you have never met? I could write a novel with the things I think about him....and it has been less than a week since I have known he would be ours.
In any case, the one good thing is that there is so much STUFF to do during this part of the wait. The last part of the wait was so fast that it didn't really matter that there was nothing to do but wait. I am going crazy with the things I have to do. Reading books, picking paint colors, transitioning Tessa to a big girl room (and stocking that room with the big girl bed, etc), buying little boy clothes, etc. I thought it would be easier because I had done it before...but this is nothing like before. I have no idea when (i.e. no due date). I don't know how old or big he will be. I am going to try something that is not set up by nature (i.e. nursing without being pregnant before and/or with having him had a bottle this whole time) to be successful. His skin and haircare will be completely different. Attachment is a whole different story with a newborn than with a 6 or even 3 month old. We have to learn about that and work hard at it. PACKING...YIKES! Picking a name...crap...we should have really done that before we had a pic...it makes it so much harder. So many questions....like how many nipples to bring so I don't have to wash them since I may not be able to anyway. In any case, I am busy. Thankfully so. And thankfully I work full time so the business on top of that really doesn't give me much time to go totally crazy waiting. Because I think I could.
I want to kiss his little cheeks. I want to hold him and tell him I love him. I want to see the expression on Tessa's face when she see's him for the first time.
So this is the stuff of waiting to go pick up your son...in case you were wondering.
The wait after seeing my little boy's face is excruciating. You cannot imagine unless you have lived through it. The only other thing that has come close was wondering if he was my son for 2 weeks.
I think about him constantly. Whether it is his name, what he is doing, what time of day it is for him (i.e. is he having his dinner bottle or is someone kissing him goodnight?), what shade of blue to paint his nursery, will he be home in time for the holidays, what will Tessa think of him, how will she handle being a big sister (and losing 100% of the attention all the time), will the pained expression on his face in his referral photo be gone the next time I see him, am I the only one who thinks his face looks distressed in the photo, what size clothes will I need to bring when we go get him, will he have gained enough weight to be in the size appropriate for his age by US standards by his first birthday, does he know that there is a family out there who loves him as he sleeps alone or with a crib full of other babies on the other side of the Earth, did I make the right choice buying the infant car seat or will he be too big for it by the time we go get him, is there any chance we will make it through court closing, is this wait going to get that much harder when court closes and we have not gotten a date, how many nipples should I bring with Avent bottles with disposable liners I have decided to bring, will he nurse, will I be able to produce milk again, will the supplementer work, will we have to miss a wedding to go get him, what does his giggle sound like, what will my boss say about maternity leave, when will he get to meet his cousins, does anyone else have any idea how it is possible to fall totally and completely in love with someone you have never met? I could write a novel with the things I think about him....and it has been less than a week since I have known he would be ours.
In any case, the one good thing is that there is so much STUFF to do during this part of the wait. The last part of the wait was so fast that it didn't really matter that there was nothing to do but wait. I am going crazy with the things I have to do. Reading books, picking paint colors, transitioning Tessa to a big girl room (and stocking that room with the big girl bed, etc), buying little boy clothes, etc. I thought it would be easier because I had done it before...but this is nothing like before. I have no idea when (i.e. no due date). I don't know how old or big he will be. I am going to try something that is not set up by nature (i.e. nursing without being pregnant before and/or with having him had a bottle this whole time) to be successful. His skin and haircare will be completely different. Attachment is a whole different story with a newborn than with a 6 or even 3 month old. We have to learn about that and work hard at it. PACKING...YIKES! Picking a name...crap...we should have really done that before we had a pic...it makes it so much harder. So many questions....like how many nipples to bring so I don't have to wash them since I may not be able to anyway. In any case, I am busy. Thankfully so. And thankfully I work full time so the business on top of that really doesn't give me much time to go totally crazy waiting. Because I think I could.
I want to kiss his little cheeks. I want to hold him and tell him I love him. I want to see the expression on Tessa's face when she see's him for the first time.
So this is the stuff of waiting to go pick up your son...in case you were wondering.
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